Raising Resilient Kids

As a parent you should be encouraging your kid to take more risks—not less—even though it may have the side effect of failure. Let them know that they'll lose, they'll suck at lots of things, and they'll get hurt—but it's okay, because feeling those feelings will give them more tools to get through it the next time. It's not cruel to let your kids experience feelings of pain, because it's essential they're able to process it. "It builds character."

How To Talk About Failure

One of the best ways to let kids recover from failure is to talk about what a loser you were. "One of my kids was taking a class, and clearly not good at it. But instead we ended up talking about things I wasn't good at when I was young—and I'm still not."

Explain Why Things Are Out Of Their Control

 With knowledge comes power. "Giving kids a framework for understanding a why is a supercharger for resilience." Explain why something stressful has to happen—getting shots at the doctor, weathering a big thunderstorm, or surviving a tornado - you're giving them a feeling of control.

Give Them A Key Word.

For example, A 4-year-old and I do an exercise before he plays the piano. He came up with the word, steady.  Now, I ask if he feels steady at the piano before he begins and he takes the corners from one thing to another, much more efficiently.

Get A Good Group Of Friends.

 Encouraging your kids to build a social network of all different types of people isn't just a PC thing to do, it also helps them empathize and "see themselves in the other." Because people who have a sense of solidarity have natural resilience.

Give Your Kids More Credit

Brina became an example for his kids. After having an appendix surgery a few years ago, he was in a pretty weak state and certainly not up to having his kids bounce on an open crack. He calmly explained to them that he was fragile .

We did a lesson on what fragile meant. I told them, 'It's especially important that you not jump on daddy for any reason,We gave them the lesson about what it meant, explained what was going on with him and made this moment of profound empathy.

With contributions from Fatherly.
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