4 Ways Parents Make Kids' Grades Worse By Trying to Help
https://www.auntydebbysblog.com/2016/01/4-ways-parents-make-kids-grades-worse.html

Parent and Child
Most
people believe that parents who set high academic expectations have
kids who generally do better in school than the ones whose parents are
more laid back.
In a recent study published by the American Psychological Association,
research showed both positive and negative results of high parental
expectations on kids’ academic performance. The lead author of the
study, Kou Murayama, said that “although parental aspiration can improve
children’s academic performance, excessive parental aspiration can be
poisonous.”
Yes, poisonous.
If parents set unreasonable expectations for their kids at a very young age,
it creates a pattern of failure and disappointment in the mind of the
child, which can, in turn, lead to negative self-image. It becomes a
self-fulfilling prophecy of being “bad at school” which, if unchecked,
will spiral to other negative beliefs about themselves.
So how do you know if you’re unwittingly sabotaging your kid’s education?
Here are four VERY common ways parents actually hurt their kids’ ability to perform well in school (and how you can stop):
1. You set the bar way too high.
Every year there’s a story about a 10-year-old graduating high school or a 17-year-old getting acceptance letters from all 8 of his favorite Ivy League schools. While these things are possible, is it realistic to expect it from EVERY child? Obviously not.
Instead
of holding your kids up to these unrealistic expectations, work in
conjunction with (or in bad situations, outside of) the classroom to set
realistic incremental growth goals for your kids. A motivated student
with an involved parent(s) can (and will) maximize your child’s efforts
in school.
2. You’re not clear about what you expect.
In
my experience with both adults and children, I find that people live up
to expectations when given the chance. However, when children are never
informed about what’s expected of them, how are they supposed to figure
out how to succeed? This requires communication.
Have
a discussion (not a lecture) with your kids about what you expect from
them both now and in the future, and they’ll be sure to work hard to
make that happen.
3. You think your kids should want the same things you do.
Many
parents project their own aspirations onto their kids. It usually one
of two forms – you either want them to be exactly like you, or you want
them to do what you never could.
Although
you may be happy in your own endeavors, your child may be interested in
something totally different. Or they be a natural at something you’ve
always been terrible at.
If you are looking to be a good role model and you love
what you do, your kids will be naturally curious. Let them do what they
do naturally and explore. But if they don’t want to follow in your
footsteps, there are tons of opportunities out there for them to
explore. Stop pushing them so hard towards something they don’t like.
4. You let grades define their success.
Subjective
aspirations are expectations that the student has no control over. In a
perfect world, every child would straight A’s and a 4.0 grade point
average.
But
what is your kid supposed to do about the tough teacher who doesn’t
give A’s? You know the one I’m talking about – the teacher who is going
to show kids how life “really works”.